Today is the calendar day for Memorial Day and just wanted to express my gratitude for all the men and women who have given their lives in battle from the Revolutionary War to the current war in Afghanistan in order to keep our country safe and free. I am extremely proud of my family members who have served or are currently serving in the Armed Forces: my father and my brother, both Air Forces vets and my nephew, who is currently serving in the Air Force following in the footsteps of his father and grandfather. To my Uncle Billy who served 30 years in the Navy, a handful of cousins who served the Navy, Army and Marines (and one 3rd cousin who will be joining the Air Force next summer after she graduates from H.S.). A few uncles who served during World War II and the Korean War. Not to mention my ancestors who fought their brothers during the Civil War or the ones who served during the Revolutionary War, the Spanish-American War, WWI and the war of 1812. I come from a long, illustrious line of people who served their country proudly and some who have died fighting for its freedoms. I also have several friends and friends children who are currently serving in the Armed Forces--one friend, Bonnie, has one son in the Navy and one in the Marines. In my senior year of high school, I'd planned to attend the Air Force Academy in Colorado, but I met my son's father and that changed my path in life. I often wonder where that path would have taken me had I continued on to Colorado and the Academy. Either way, I am extremely proud of all who have served and gone on before me. I salute you and am extremely grateful to you for your sacrifices. May God bless you in Heaven, and for those currently serving or about to serve, may God keep you safe and return you home to your loved ones open arms.

Just feeling lonesome........

Sometimes I get so lonely for family and getting homesick. I so wish I could go back to Ardmore for a visit. I fear that my Aunt Jeannie, who's been battling emphysema for years, might pass on before I'm able to get back for a visit. And since she's only a few years older than me, I've always been especially close to her cause we sort of grew up together. I also miss my Little Rock family, too. I just wish, for once in my life, God would allow me to have what I want---money---then I could buy a newer, better car and be able to afford to go home to Ardmore to visit and to go to L.R. to visit the patriarchal side of my family. I know that I've always just had enough to get by and I am so, so very grateful to Heavenly Father for what He has given me, but sometimes it just doesn't seem like it's enough. I see people winning lotteries or having better paying jobs or even inheriting large estates and it just doesn't seem fair. But, on the other hand, I do know that I have so much more than so many others in this world. And it's not that I don't appreciate it, I do. It's just that sometimes I wish I had more. I wonder why Mr. So & So was born rich and I wasn't. I see fancy houses, nice cars and people being able to go on awesome vacations or to be able to buy what they want or pay bills and not have to worry about the next paycheck coming to afford to buy something for the house or for my grand kids. Then I think about the kids moving so far away to New Jersey and then I worry about if I'm even going to be able to visit them even just once because airfare is so expensive. I'll be lucky to have the money to take a bus ride even just once the two years they're gone. I know there's a good reason that God is presenting them with this opportunity, I just wish He wasn't taking them so far away from me. Oh, well, I suppose it doesn't hurt to have a pity-party every once in awhile. Good thing I have my blog to commiserate on it and not have to worry about anyone judging me. Must be the gray weather outside. HA!!!!

Spring has sprung

I've been waiting for Spring to arrive for about 4 months now and the past couple of weeks if finally did!!! Dogwoods are blooming, daffodils bloomed & are already gone for the most part. The flowering pear trees bloomed & disapated much too quickly just as the forsythia did. The red buds are blooming now as are the crab apple trees. I was on vacation last week intent on planting flowers & shrubs & even a dogwood tree, unfortunately Mother Nature decided to rain every day but 2!! However, I did manage to get to Walmart & Home Depot & bought 2 pretty rose bushes (a white one & a pink one), an Endless Summer Hydrangea plant, one cherry tomato plant AND my most favorite flower in the whole wide world---I bought my very own Lilac bush!!!! I got it at Walmart when I went back to get the gorgeous Dogwood tree that I'd picked out last Monday, but it was raining too much to take it home in the trunk of m car. Well, every single Dogwood they'd had were all gone. I was so disappointed, until I found a flat of lilac bushes. I searched through all of them to find the most perfect one I could find. I was in 7th Heaven!!! Anyway, I hope to get them all planted this week, provided I can figure out where to plant them plus the 2 knock-out roses I still have from last year. Then I'll just have to pray that I have a better green thumb than my daddy did. :-)

How do you mend a broken heart

Back in 2007 Grant was a year old & the girls were in pre-school & 1st grade then my world came crashing down when Steven informed me he was taking a new job that was going to move them to the Ft. Worth/Dallas, Texas area. My heart broke & I felt like the floor just fell out from under me. They moved & were there for 3 years. I was beyond thrilled when they moved back to the area a year ago this past November. I was on cloud 10 and absolutely enjoying having them back again and getting to do things with the kids again and having Steven & Janis close by, too. Then yesterday, it happens all over again, only this time it is much more devastating & worse than before. This time they are moving to the Princeton, New Jersey area!!! He got a promotion at work that's moving them there. I don't even know when they'll be leaving, don't know how much time I have left with them.

People want me to just accept it and others are happy & joyful over Steven's promotion. I just can't do that. I am proud of Steven & happy that his company thinks that highly of him, but I CAN NOT nor WILL NOT be happy that they are going to be moving 1500 miles away from me and from their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents & all their friends here!!!! I would have preferred he told me they were moving back to Dallas. At least, I know that I can drive down there for a long weekend. I have looked at plane fare to New Jersey is over 450 dollars!!! Amtrak is over 600 dollars!!! The only thing affordable that I've found was Greyhound bus for 200, but that takes 2 days. He said they would come back for Christmas, but dear God, I grew up only seeing my sweet grandmother once a year, sometimes maybe twice and I HATED IT!!!! I. DO. NOT. WANT. THAT. FOR. MY. GRANDKIDS. OR. MYSELF. I can't bear the thought that I might only get to see them once a year. I am going to miss out on so much. Grant is fixing to be in the 1st grade, Olivia will be in the 4th & Megan will be in the 6th grade. I was going to get to watch t-ball & softball & tennis games, Megan in band and Olivia singing & dancing in school plays. Megan will turn 12 next summer, which means that she'll be in Young Women's at church and in two short years Grant will turn 8 and get baptized and I am afraid that I will miss that.

Yes, I can pray and hope that this job either doesn't last long or it leads to something better back to Bentonville or even Tulsa or Dallas or anywhere that is just a couple of hours away. To think they might be there for 3 years means that Megan will be a teenager and Olivia would be a pre-teen and Grant would be in Cub Scouts. I don't want to miss that. Nor do I want to miss holidays with them & their parents. I don't want to miss talking Razorback games with Steven. I totally can't believe he would willingly move that far away from his beloved Razorbacks, especially since the football team is bound to have an amazing year next year.

I'm trying to see the positive in this, but it's so difficult to see anything through these tears that I can not stop. My heart is literally hurting in my chest, I'm that upset about them being so far away from me. This is a dreaded fear that I have had for years--even before they moved to Texas. I just wish that Steven could be happy with where he is and what he is doing now. I don't understand why he feels this need to constantly look for something better. Honestly, I don't understand anyone's desire to do that unless they're unemployed. He has a good job here & they have family here & a lot of friends and the kids are in good schools & there are so many things around this area to do & more things that are coming in the future. I so wish he would be happy here. I wish I could understand, but I can't. I wish it didn't hurt so much, but it does. I wish Daddy were still alive so I could talk to him & have him talk back. I wish others were so easily understanding about my feelings of these changes that are about to happen to all of us, but I can't.

Yes, I am being selfish, but honestly, I think that I am allowed to be selfish in this instance. Steven is my only child. He has been my WHOLE life since the first moment that I held him in my arms. I have never, ever wanted or loved anyone on this Earth as much as I loved that baby. At least, I didn't think so until that moment when I heard Megan's first cry. Holding that beautiful baby made me realize that Steven had competition for my heart. Then came beautiful dark-haired Olivia and later my sweet blonde-haired, blue-eyed one & only grandson, Grant. Those 3 children are the sweetest, dearest, most precious things in my life. They & their dad are my life. I adore them, love them, and want to be able to share in their lives always. I am just not sure how I am going to do that with them in New Jersey.

I so wish, right now, at this moment, that someone would just put their arms around me, to allow me to cry & to do their very best to convince me that everything will be okay & that I will get through this. Because right now, I just find it hard to believe that anything will ever be alright again. I truly wish it didn't hurt so much, but, oh God, it does and I don't know how I'm going to get through this...............

2012

It's 2 months in to the year 2012 and so far hasn't been the nasty, cold white winter that we thought that it would be. It'll be Valentine's Day next week and we still have only had a slight dusting of snow and a few frosty mornings. But, thanks to my garage, I haven't had to scrap windows or use the defroster much! :-)

So far, Razorback sports have pretty much been on top. The football team won the Cotton Bowl and finished the year 12-2, only being beaten by the #1 & #2 teams, those hated LSU Tigers & Alabama Crimson Tide---oh, how I loathe those two teams. But on a more awesome front, the Gym'backs are having the best season of their existence!!! Until losing to Florida the last Friday of January, they were ranked #1 for the first time ever. Currently, they are ranked #2, but the new rankings come out tomorrow. So, we shall see....

The kids with Big Red & Pork Chop

Grant "Calling the Hogs" with Coach Bobby Petrino in the background

Megan & Olivia with Audrey Bordeleau, Asst. Women's Tennis Coach & player

Olivia with Jaime Pisani, her favorite just like her Nana's! Jaime is currently ranked #1 on Floor Exercises in the US!!!

In fact, the grandkids went with me to watch them beat Auburn Friday and I'm posting a couple of pictures. As for me, today I chose to remain home under a blanket instead of going to Barnhill to watch they Gym'backs compete against #5 OU. I may regret that decision, but I just hate getting out of the house on Sundays. I feel like it's my one day to just do nothing!!! I may regret that, too. At least, until Spring finally arrives!!! :-)

Merry Christmas

First of October & Autumn fun

The grandkids spent the night the last day of September and most of Oct. 1st. We had intended to go to the movies to see "Dolphin Tale" but the morning was so perfect that I felt it might be my only chance to take the kids to the Pumpkin Patch this month. So, we made a change of plans and took off to the Corn Maze at Cave Springs. The weather was perfectly sunny and warm, but not much Fall color yet.

We started off with the maze, but discovered not half way through that little man, Grant, was no big fan of the tall corn maze. He had a bit of a mini-meltdown, but his sister, Olivia and I managed to calm him down and we made our way out to his delight. I let Grant ride on the cow train to make up for his unpleasant maze experience.

On to the petting zoo (all baby goats, lambs and one white pony)--if you could call it that. But they loved it and were quite content with petting and feeding hay to them. I just wish they'd had a few more critters to pet and hold. The kids gave the corn cob cannon a go and Grant ended up being a better shot than his sisters!! I have to remember to tell my brother about that.

When they finished that we took a ride on the pumpkin patch wagon and ended up with one small green pumpkin and a couple of small off-white pumpkins. A short romp on a huge pile of mulch and we were off to Subway for lunch and then back to Bentonville.







It was a good start to October and I hope I get to go to their Trunk or Treat at their church or either Trick or Treating on the 31st. I still wish I lived just down the street from them or at least within walking distance so I could see them every weekend. But, this is much better than having the living in Texas. HA!!!