How do you mend a broken heart

Back in 2007 Grant was a year old & the girls were in pre-school & 1st grade then my world came crashing down when Steven informed me he was taking a new job that was going to move them to the Ft. Worth/Dallas, Texas area. My heart broke & I felt like the floor just fell out from under me. They moved & were there for 3 years. I was beyond thrilled when they moved back to the area a year ago this past November. I was on cloud 10 and absolutely enjoying having them back again and getting to do things with the kids again and having Steven & Janis close by, too. Then yesterday, it happens all over again, only this time it is much more devastating & worse than before. This time they are moving to the Princeton, New Jersey area!!! He got a promotion at work that's moving them there. I don't even know when they'll be leaving, don't know how much time I have left with them.

People want me to just accept it and others are happy & joyful over Steven's promotion. I just can't do that. I am proud of Steven & happy that his company thinks that highly of him, but I CAN NOT nor WILL NOT be happy that they are going to be moving 1500 miles away from me and from their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents & all their friends here!!!! I would have preferred he told me they were moving back to Dallas. At least, I know that I can drive down there for a long weekend. I have looked at plane fare to New Jersey is over 450 dollars!!! Amtrak is over 600 dollars!!! The only thing affordable that I've found was Greyhound bus for 200, but that takes 2 days. He said they would come back for Christmas, but dear God, I grew up only seeing my sweet grandmother once a year, sometimes maybe twice and I HATED IT!!!! I. DO. NOT. WANT. THAT. FOR. MY. GRANDKIDS. OR. MYSELF. I can't bear the thought that I might only get to see them once a year. I am going to miss out on so much. Grant is fixing to be in the 1st grade, Olivia will be in the 4th & Megan will be in the 6th grade. I was going to get to watch t-ball & softball & tennis games, Megan in band and Olivia singing & dancing in school plays. Megan will turn 12 next summer, which means that she'll be in Young Women's at church and in two short years Grant will turn 8 and get baptized and I am afraid that I will miss that.

Yes, I can pray and hope that this job either doesn't last long or it leads to something better back to Bentonville or even Tulsa or Dallas or anywhere that is just a couple of hours away. To think they might be there for 3 years means that Megan will be a teenager and Olivia would be a pre-teen and Grant would be in Cub Scouts. I don't want to miss that. Nor do I want to miss holidays with them & their parents. I don't want to miss talking Razorback games with Steven. I totally can't believe he would willingly move that far away from his beloved Razorbacks, especially since the football team is bound to have an amazing year next year.

I'm trying to see the positive in this, but it's so difficult to see anything through these tears that I can not stop. My heart is literally hurting in my chest, I'm that upset about them being so far away from me. This is a dreaded fear that I have had for years--even before they moved to Texas. I just wish that Steven could be happy with where he is and what he is doing now. I don't understand why he feels this need to constantly look for something better. Honestly, I don't understand anyone's desire to do that unless they're unemployed. He has a good job here & they have family here & a lot of friends and the kids are in good schools & there are so many things around this area to do & more things that are coming in the future. I so wish he would be happy here. I wish I could understand, but I can't. I wish it didn't hurt so much, but it does. I wish Daddy were still alive so I could talk to him & have him talk back. I wish others were so easily understanding about my feelings of these changes that are about to happen to all of us, but I can't.

Yes, I am being selfish, but honestly, I think that I am allowed to be selfish in this instance. Steven is my only child. He has been my WHOLE life since the first moment that I held him in my arms. I have never, ever wanted or loved anyone on this Earth as much as I loved that baby. At least, I didn't think so until that moment when I heard Megan's first cry. Holding that beautiful baby made me realize that Steven had competition for my heart. Then came beautiful dark-haired Olivia and later my sweet blonde-haired, blue-eyed one & only grandson, Grant. Those 3 children are the sweetest, dearest, most precious things in my life. They & their dad are my life. I adore them, love them, and want to be able to share in their lives always. I am just not sure how I am going to do that with them in New Jersey.

I so wish, right now, at this moment, that someone would just put their arms around me, to allow me to cry & to do their very best to convince me that everything will be okay & that I will get through this. Because right now, I just find it hard to believe that anything will ever be alright again. I truly wish it didn't hurt so much, but, oh God, it does and I don't know how I'm going to get through this...............